Want to Get Over Infidelity? Follow These 7 Therapist’s Advices

Infidelity can feel like the ground has been pulled out from under you. The pain, confusion, and loss of trust that follow can affect not just your relationship but also your sense of self. Whether it was emotional or physical betrayal, recovery is never simple, but it is possible.

As Dr. Harel Papikian, a licensed relationship and licensed clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles, emphasizes, “Healing after infidelity isn’t about erasing what happened. It’s about rediscovering safety, honesty, and emotional connection,  within yourself and your relationship.”

If you or your partner are trying to move past infidelity, here are seven therapist-backed strategies that can guide your recovery journey.

1. Acknowledge the Reality of What Happened

The first and often hardest step is accepting that infidelity occurred. Many couples get stuck in denial or rush to “move on,” but pretending it didn’t happen only delays healing.

Acknowledge what happened without assigning immediate blame. Sit with reality, even when it hurts. This step helps ground both partners in the truth, which is essential for rebuilding trust.

Example:
A couple in therapy in LA might start by simply stating what occurred, when, how, and what it meant to each person. Naming the event removes secrecy, which often fuels emotional distance.

Checklist:

• Avoid minimizing or rationalizing the betrayal.
• Express emotions openly, even if uncomfortable.
• Allow space for both partners’ perspectives.

2. Process the Emotional Fallout

Infidelity triggers a mix of emotions – anger, sadness, guilt, confusion, shame, and fear. Ignoring these emotions or suppressing them can make recovery harder.

Give yourself permission to feel. Journaling, therapy, and mindfulness can help you release pent-up emotions. If you are the betrayed partner, don’t rush forgiveness. If you are the unfaithful partner, take responsibility without defensiveness.

Real-life scenario:
One of Dr. Harel’s clients described feeling “numb for weeks” before anger surfaced. Through therapy, she learned that numbness was her mind’s way of protecting her until she was ready to face the pain.

Checklist:

• Name each emotion you’re feeling.
• Avoid emotional avoidance (e.g., distractions, overwork).
• Engage in daily grounding exercises to manage overwhelm.

3. Understand the “Why” Behind the Affair

Infidelity is rarely just about desire or attraction. Often, it reflects underlying emotional disconnection, unresolved trauma, or unmet needs in the relationship. Understanding this helps prevent recurrence.

Dr. Harel often helps couples explore not just what happened, but why it happened. This step is not about justification but about insight.

Questions to explore:

• Was there emotional distance or lack of intimacy before the affair?
• Did either partner feel unseen or unappreciated?
• Were external stressors (work, mental health issues, family pressure) affecting connection?

Real-life reflection:
When one couple realized that years of poor communication had left both partners lonely, therapy shifted from blame to understanding. This redefined their path toward healing.

4. Rebuild Honest and Transparent Communication

Infidelity damages trust at its core. Rebuilding it requires radical honesty and consistency over time.

Transparency is not about constant surveillance or interrogation. It’s about restoring safety through clear, open communication. The unfaithful partner must be accountable, while the betrayed partner should express needs and boundaries.

Practical ways to rebuild trust:

• Have regular check-ins about emotions and triggers.
• Avoid secrecy in communication or social interactions.
• Practice active listening — reflect what you hear before responding.

Example:
A husband who had an emotional affair began sharing his phone and social media access willingly, not because his wife demanded it, but because he wanted to rebuild a sense of security. Over months, the need for that level of transparency naturally reduced as trust was restored.

5. Commit to Individual and Couple Healing

Healing after infidelity happens on two parallel paths, individually and together. Both partners must take ownership of their personal growth while rebuilding the relationship.

• For the betrayed partner: Focus on emotional safety and rebuilding self-esteem. Therapy can help process feelings of betrayal and loss of identity.
• For the unfaithful partner: Reflect deeply on choices, patterns, and triggers. Be patient with your partner’s recovery timeline.

Checklist:

• Attend therapy (individual or couples) regularly.
• Establish shared goals for rebuilding trust.
• Revisit relationship boundaries and agreements.

Example:
In one of Dr. Harel’s sessions, a couple created a “reconnection plan” that included weekly emotional check-ins, shared hobbies, and rebuilding physical intimacy slowly.

6. Redefine Intimacy and Connection

After infidelity, physical and emotional intimacy often feel unsafe or unfamiliar. Rebuilding connection requires patience, empathy, and shared vulnerability.

Therapist’s insight:
Don’t rush physical closeness. Start with emotional intimacy — conversations, shared activities, or small gestures of care. Trust grows through consistent, authentic connection.

Steps to rebuild intimacy:

• Create daily rituals of connection (morning coffee, evening walks).
• Express appreciation regularly.
• Share feelings instead of suppressing them.
• Reintroduce physical intimacy when both feel emotionally ready.

Example:
A couple began reconnecting through simple acts, holding hands while watching TV or sharing gratitude each night. Slowly, physical closeness became natural again.

7. Forgive, but Don’t Forget the Lessons

Forgiveness is the final stage of healing, but it is not about erasing the past. It is about transforming the pain into insight.

Therapist’s advice:
Forgiveness does not mean condoning what happened or pretending it never hurt. It means releasing resentment so that both partners can move forward with emotional freedom.

However, healing is incomplete without remembering the lessons the experience taught you. Infidelity can become a turning point — one that deepens self-awareness, strengthens boundaries, and redefines what healthy love means to you.

Lessons to carry forward:

• Emotional honesty matters: Speak openly about discomfort, needs, and boundaries before small issues turn into disconnection.
• Trust needs maintenance: Trust is not permanent; it requires regular care through transparency, reliability, and empathy.
• Self-worth is non-negotiable: Healing involves reclaiming your identity beyond the relationship.
• Boundaries protect connection: Clear boundaries create emotional safety, not distance.

Checklist for forgiveness readiness:

• You’ve processed anger and grief without suppressing it.
• You can discuss the event without overwhelming pain.
• You see consistent remorse and accountability from your partner.
• You are ready to release resentment and rebuild with wisdom.

Real-life reflection:
One of Dr. Harel’s clients shared that true forgiveness came when she realized she could honor the lessons without reopening old wounds. She understood the affair wasn’t her fault, but it taught her the importance of communication, self-respect, and emotional clarity.

Through therapy, both partners worked on rebuilding—not just their relationship, but their individual sense of trust and balance.

Therapeutic takeaway:
Forgive the person, but remember the insight.
Forget the pain, but keep the lesson.
That’s how healing transforms heartbreak into growth.

Moving Forward: Healing Is a Process, Not a Destination

Healing after infidelity is not linear. Some days will feel like progress, while others may feel like starting over. The goal is not perfection but emotional growth and resilience.

Many couples who work through infidelity come out stronger, having built a deeper understanding of themselves and each other. Others choose to move on separately, carrying forward hard-earned lessons about boundaries and emotional honesty.

Therapist’s closing thought:
As Dr. Harel reminds clients, “Infidelity breaks trust, but it doesn’t have to break you. With the right guidance and willingness to heal, you can rebuild, either together or on your own terms.”

The Role of Therapy in Healing After Infidelity

Recovering from infidelity is too complex to navigate alone. Professional therapy offers the space and structure to explore emotions, rebuild communication, and redefine trust.

With over 16 years of experience as a licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Harel combines Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with his unique ARM Method (Awareness, Release, Mastery) to help couples and individuals:

• Recognize thought and behavior patterns that fuel pain or mistrust
• Release emotional baggage and unresolved resentment
• Master communication and coping skills for lasting change

Whether you are rebuilding your relationship or learning to heal independently, therapy with Dr. Harel provides tools for emotional clarity, confidence, and closure.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

Infidelity doesn’t have to define your future. With empathy, patience, and guided therapy, you can rebuild trust, rediscover yourself, and move forward stronger than before.

Schedule your virtual session with Dr. Harel today to begin your journey toward emotional healing and renewed connection.

📞 Phone: (310) 713-6093
📧 Email: Dr.Harel@westhollywoodcouples.com
📍 Location: 822 S Robertson Blvd #303, Los Angeles, CA 90035